Monthly Archives: May 2012

Improvise, a battle & an appliance obituary.

Well that didn’t go according to plan, at all. 

Everyday coming up with something for dinner can sometimes be a struggle, other days a battle to the death and there are times the heavens open up & produce a miracle where everything just falls together in one great stroke of genius. The latter occurs too few whilst  the battle royale occurs almost daily. Today was definately one of those days, I can still feel my frustration & despair ebbing under the surface of my skin, my lips are pursed into a thin line, today dinner won by a knockout  & I didn’t even see it coming. Dinner was a total douchebag, throwing cheap shots, followed by a brutal sucker punch.

In reality I didn’t pay attention, I made assumptions and had too much faith in what I thought I had on hand. Well it should have been an easy win, it was chicken after all & I famously write about chicken far too often. Piece of cake, or so I thought. I planned on a quick, easy & delicious jammy jam chicken. I went to the store, picked up the meat & came home. Imagine my disappointment when I rudely discovered I had no apricot jam, which was a vital ingredient, and then no Catalina dressing. This was the moment I realized I inadvertently stepped into a fight, I cursed, cursed some more & grabbed a handful of cookbooks I knew somewhere inside one of them I had to have enough of something to make a dinner delicious enough that even the pickiest of eaters would  slop it down. Page after page was turned, all the while muttering about the *&%$ing chicken, how the &%$*% was I going to cook the -&%$ing chicken!! A glimmer of hope occurred when I happened upon a homemade honey garlic sauce for wings but I knew it would work for the cuts I had picked up earlier.

Thinking I was on my way to a victory I bounced around my kitchen gathering & adding ingredients to the blender where once I whizz it around masterfully pulverizing the ingredients into a delicious sauce. Until the *&&%$ing blender decided that it was going to $%&* the bed. I was outwitted by a blender, try as I might I could not get my trusty friend to whiz even just a little bit. Instead I was given the weakest death cry I have ever heard from a kitchen appliance; the bastard.

Like a certified wuss & kitchen half wit, I called my S.O. to tell my tale of woe, curse the chicken some more, & discuss the blenders obituary. I thought it was over and was about to ask for fast food re-enforcements until there was another blow, he was going to be later than expected. Evil dinner really threw a curve ball, I really wasn’t expecting that one. Determined ever more so now not to give up on a delicious meal & saving my diet, I gathered my weapons & returned to the battlefield. There I found 2 forgotten friends, honey & Dijon who had a little back up with butter & curry powder. The winds changed in my favor and now, fingers crossed, there is a fabulous chicken dish slaving away in the oven.


Blender 2009 – 2012

Here lies blender, whizzer of purees, soups, sauces & even almond tortes. It will be sadly missed by me. Predeceased by the frying pan whom was murdered by my hands on the kitchen counter top.


Evening edit: I petrified the chicken, completely burned, more than a crisp. Fossilized on my favorite oven dish.

Pyrex 9×13 pan – 2009-2012 defeated in an epic battle against chicken. Will be missed by me. Predeceased by blender & frying pan.